Lost Friends

I am writing this note because I am having great difficulty grasping the magnitude of what has transpired these past few weeks. Additionally, I feel that I have had a drastic impact on the well-being of someone who I have come to call friend. I think there has been a great deal of miscommunication and misunderstanding based on that, which I feel has caused an insurmountable rift between us. The greatest challenge I’ve had is standing seemingly in the dark, virtually shunned from the existence of my friend and without much insight to speak of, except that she appears to be suffering. I realize that I am not the sole source of this turmoil in her life; nonetheless I cannot help the responsibility that I feel for these things. Of course, without any real contact or insight, I have no idea what part I actually played, or what precisely has transpired since our “breaking” of contact with one another. Collaterally, I almost feel like I have lost another (mutual) friend in the process, which makes it all the more painful. Even though, I have still had occasional contact with this mutual friend, it is not the friendship it once was; we had grown as friends due to the interactions I had with this other friend. I feel like since their relationship came before I came into the picture, there has been a sort of estrangement between us, even though she has not said so explicitly. In the end, I just want my friends to be happy and not uncomfortable around me. It would also be nice if I could be their friend once more. I suppose it is too much to ask. I miss them.